OUR LEGACY COLLECTION

FAREWELL PARTY FOR ERIC KALLANDER

This is a little speech developed with help from Artificial intelligence on chatGPT and presented at the farewell party for Eric Kallander at J Dolan's Pizza on Bethel Street near our downtown studio.  Present were Carol Mon Lee, Eric of course, Ash Obrero, Michael Pangilinan, Jay Fidell (me) and Hayley Ikeda.  Here it goes:

Ladies and gentlemen, today we're here to say farewell to Eric Kallander, one of our most long-term and talented staff members.  It’s not a rumor; it’s true.

In saying this, I’m not making any reference to his good looks, which have been the subject of great controversy, or for that matter his very unique hairstyle, which apparently emanated from the deep woods of New Hampshire.

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure Eric is not leaving for the reasons he gave, but because he heard we were going to ask all our engineers to sing a little song at the beginning of each show.  Recognizing his concern, instead we’ll ask him to sing a little song today.  Go for it Eric.  But please don’t sing the CBS jingle, please.

And we hope you will all sing along with Eric to show him how you feel.

In all seriousness, and despite his obvious lack of musical talent, Eric has been a rockstar in making our shows work and improving our systems. He’s tackled every problem with passion and an unshakable cool hand even under the incredible stress our engineers face every day.  Some say it’s amazing.  Others say he doesn’t get enough sleep and this is what happens.

Anyway, we're going to miss Eric, and his calm exterior end troubleshooting skill, especially when things go off the rails.

But don't worry, we're not going to forget Eric. Oh,  no.  We’re getting a special Sony dartboard for the studio and we’re going to put his picture on it right next to CBS, so we can think of them both when we need to.  Yes, there will be some gratification in that.

But there’s more.  As you may know, during covid I’ve been getting my special haircuts from my wife and I’ve saved a ton of money because of that.  Given Eric’s departure, my wife has graciously volunteered to give him the very same kind of haircut, so he can save a lot of money like I do.  Think of it as a gift, Eric.

Anyway, let’s raise a toast to Eric, to wish him well whatever he does and wherever he goes.  All the best to him.  Although we may not, and should not, be thinking of his good looks, or his haircut, we will always remember his abiding talent and agreeable style, and he will always be a member of our family.

Charge your glasses, gentlemen and ladies.  Ok, ready?  Health, happiness and new beginnings.  Now please stand, and at the top of your lungs, please repeat after me.

Shinro shimpu, banza!

Paihin shokun, banzai!

Nakajima, Borowitz, Horowitz, bonzai!

Yes, bless him, and bless us, every one.